Montreal Canadiens Just For Giggles: Quotes From Our Very Own Pretend Insider

If I hear one more story about Jeff Petry, Josh Anderson, the Montreal Canadiens trading up, the Canadiens trading down, the Canadiens moving the needle, the Canadiens making a splash, the Canadiens adjusting their window, the Canadiens keeping us guessing, or the Canadiens interviewing Slavkofsky the day of the draft I might lose it.

Not that these are not interesting topics. Not that the people doing the talking aren’t informed. They are. But this is getting repetitive.

Something has to give. So, to try and relieve some of this angst, I reached out to one of my sources to get a different perspective on things. Here’s what my source (Lets call him Frank L) said the Habs were working on for draft day.

1) The Habs trade Jeff Petry to Dallas for the NHL rights to Alex Radulov. They pay Radulov an honorarium to stay in the KHL.

“I actually think this makes a lot of sense for the Habs” said Frank. “Radulov still has a lot of great KHL hockey left in him and will provide a lot of leadership and can really hold his vodka. I think he’ll be a great middle six guy who can kill penalties, score at least 5 goals a season, and really just make a great difference on any team with non-playoff aspirations. His game is reminiscent of an old Joel Armia, without the big body presence.

If I recall correctly, didn’t he win a Shabby this year? Those are pretty hard to come by, and many hockey people think that if Radulov can bring that level of commitment to the rink every game …” (I honestly stopped listening at this point and just waited for the ‘NHL-style-ramble’ to peter out.)

2) Josh Anderson to the Pittsburgh Penguins for Evgeni Malkin and Ron Hextall.

“Its practically a requirement now that old veterans go to the Habs just before they become a shadow off their former selves,“continued the source, oblivious that I had almost fallen asleep. “I think it comes as no surprise to hear the Habs are looking to offer Malkin a 7 year deal that they know will only last for two.

Yeah, Bergevin is gone but institutional memory is hard to kill. And Ron Hextall has really kept in shape. I mean, the guy is a beast in the gym. Team Bicep has absolutely nothing on Big Bad Ron. I hear he keeps his reflexes sharp by wrestling with wolverines in the summertime at his cottage in the Muskokas. I hear the reason that the Pens ran out of gas this year in the playoffs was Ron was a practice goalie and kept taking out someone’s knee every second practice or so when they crowded the crease.

He was trying to toughen them up, I think. What a classic move from ol’ Ronny. I tells ya…. He is so rock-em sock-em he won’t even let his OWN team win… (And I lost my train of thought again)

3) The Habs trade down from the first pick to the second so that the Devils can take the big Slapper.

I know, that’s a terrible nickname, but the Big Dipper is taken and whats left these days? Every single NHL nickname has a y at the end. Slappy? I can hear it now “Well, we were just trying to keep it connected out there and not get too far away from each other in overtime and then Big Slappy made a play and got me the puck…”

That’s all kinds of wrong.

Anyways, enjoy the draft everyone. I hope you got a laugh out of that. I hope the draft will be productive, and that the Habs will continue trending… flat? Yeah, flat. A few more years of high draft picks, please, its what the team needs. And I hope they trade for another high pick and get Matthew Savoie. He may be the most skilled player in the draft and the Habs desperately need more skill in their top 6.

I almost care less about the first overall pick. I don’t think there is that much of a difference between the top 3 players in terms of their contribution. I don’t think any of them score more than 30 in the NHL. There is even a scenario where they are all second line players, rather than first line ones. I care more about the Habs getting into the top 6 another time to have a shot at Savoie.

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