"It was that night I discovered that most thingsyou consider evil or wicked are simply lonelyand lacking the social niceties.Edward Bloom – from the film Big Fish"
Finally.
An explanation.
The Toronto Maple Leafs , in their vain attempt and success in the monopolization of all things Ontario , have undeniably skated themselves into a corner. A lonely corner at that.
The Leaf organization , the players and the fans are exactly like the giant that Edward Bloom refers to in the above mentioned quote.They reside in a cave and periodically emerge to feed on the sheep in their surrounding proximity. The sheep , in the case of the Leafs and the NHL , are the advertising dollars that are eaten with so much haste – a very fat cheek is turned from the very thing that produces the gluttony in the first place. The health of the team.
"Did you evert think maybe you ‘re not too big?Maybe this town’s just too small ?"
Maple Leaf Entertainment rakes in so much money from corporate boxes ,merchandising and television revenue – they are in need of nothing. Instead of sharing their corner of the rink with a city such as Hamilton ,the organization prefer to reside in a make – believe league supported by pretend fans who , in turn,cheer on ficticious players. In allowing Hamilton the right to put their sticks on the same ice , the Leafs would lose revenue and gain a rivalry. Considering the realistic fact Hamilton would continually improve , the Leafs would own no alterior motive but to up their talent and upgrade the one ice product.A win win situation that would produce a bitter feud in the mold of the Habs -Nordiques wars of yore.
Make sense ?
That is exactly why the Leafs won’t carry through with such a successful plan of action. If they did something as simple as a sane business plan , the CEO ‘s brother’s friend of a friend’s cousin would not be able to attend a game against the Pheonix Coyotes for free. Can’t have that . It is against the rules in the land of the Mighty Maple Leafs.
"Fate has a way of circling back on a manand taking him by surprise."
The next ‘ star ‘ player to be traded away will be the current Captain – Dion Phaneuf. It may be next season , the year after or the schedule after that. One thing is certain – Phaneuf will leave in the same fashion as Tomas Kaberle , Mats Sundin, Doug Gilmour and every talented player in between going back to Lanny Macdonald. He will leave empty handed. No Division title , no Conference title and for the love of Harold Ballard – no Stanley Cup. Phaneuf will bring only tales of horror with him. Tales of incompetence ,
mismanagement and bad coaching to whichever city he is dealt .No native of Columbus , Minnesota or MooseJaw will ever want to play hockey for the Toronto Maple Leafs once Phaneuf’s stories are spun.
"Q: What is the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette machine?A: The cigarette machine has players."
The jokes will emerge and continue to gather strength unless someone steps in and repairs the leak at the Air Canada Center.
It is doubtful.
Many great men , hockey men such as Ken Dryden have tried unsuccessfully to right the Leafs’ sinking ship. Legend has it that when Dryden was President ,the Habs’ former netminder had in mind a person for the then vacant GM ‘s job. Dryden’s bosses had an all together different candidate in mind. The two parties , it seems , could not reach an agreement among the chosen candidates so in a move that would have made Ronald Corey blush , John Ferguson Jr. was hired. Ferguson , like his Hab predecessor Rejean Houle , had no experience and as abruptly as Houle – Ferguson placed the Leafs ten skate strides back. Like an aging veteran , the Leafs hook and hold onto anything in order to maintain their place in hockey respectability.
"She said that the biggest fish in the rivergot that way by never being caught"
Perhaps it is time for the Ontario or Canadian Goverment to step in. Linesmen break up fights quickly if it s deemed that a bigger ,  stronger player is about to beat the hockey pucks out of a smaller opponent. If Rogers Communication was the sole provider of a cell phone network , it would not take long for everyone  who knows how to text to be up in fingers.Why should the Leaf monopoly be any different ? Allow Hamilton, Scarborough or Oshawa to house an NHL team. Scare the Toronto organization into thinking before hiring a President, GM , coach or player. Someone should make them do research and discover that Mike Komasarek is the same as the character Lenny from John Steinbeck ‘s classic tale – Of Mice and Men. Mike has plenty of brawn yet lacking plainly in the brain department. Right George ?
When the Ottawa Senators were the class of the league and favoured to actually win a Stanley Cup , it was the lesser talented Toronto Maple Leafs who stood in Jacques Martin’s way. Why ? Suddenly the Leafs realized  there was another team from their Province that was making them appear as the Maple Laffs. Pride has a way of making third line players into second line stars. Defencemen and goaltenders that were unheard of and have since disappeared into hockey history , stood up and played over their heads when the Leafs’ logo was attacked by a neighboring tribe.
Ninety percent of the time the Leafs play the Habs – it is a great hockey game no matter how bad the Leafs and\ or Habs are at the time.It is time for Toronto to realize that just because you own ‘Boardwalk ‘ does not ensure a date with the prettiest girl in the room. Worse if you own the property and make no friends along the way.
Give Hamilton a team. Allow Brian Burke to do what he is doing with no interruptions on the part of management. Let him build a team in the likeness of the early 1980 Oilers. If Brian Burke , the type of guy who would chew up and spit out a reporter for breakfast , could and did march in a Gay Pride parade – the Toronto Maple Leafs could win the Stanley Cup.
Anything is possible.
Notes
The Habs have traded Ben Maxwell along with a fourth round pick to Atlanta for veteran defenceman Bret Sopel and minor league forward Nigel Dawes. Gauthier has obviously decided that defence is the way to win a championship. Look for another move to acquire a proven forward. The Habs now have more experience on their team than a cheerleader with dirty knees.
Habs – Leafs ce soir au Centre Bell. The pucks drops at 7 : 30.
Leafs are within six points of a play – off spot. Myles Robinson must be very happy ! Check out Editor in Leaf
Too Many Men n the Site. Not again…!?
La Kachette will provide 14.95 all you can eat wings and 10% off of anything if you mention a Winning Habit
Will Rick be in front of the Bell Center in a Leaf Jersey ? Stay tuned …..
All quotations are from the movie Big Fish – directed by Tim Burton . All quotations except for the joke which is credited to every Habs fan in the city of Montreal.