I guess if you want to own the podium – you must first pay the shipping and handling charges.
‘ Own the podium ‘ was the motto that Canada utilized going into the 2010 Winter Olympics and considering the small important detail that the games were held in Vancouver , ‘ owning the podium ‘ seemed silly . Like most things in the world , the podium was probably manufactured in China yet was presumably bought by the Canadian Olympic committee or Government. It appeared that our fellow citizens were opening the Canadian window and letting the world know something that was… well , kinda obvious eh ?
Once the world and more importantly , the Beavers and the Mounties figured out that the Canadian Olympians meant to dominate the wintry games on home turf , the Canucks were well on their way to enjoying their best medal totals in the history of the Olympics. Around the time our hockey team was preparing for the biggest Gold medal match in their long and storied pride , something happened to Canadians that was both baffling and embarrassing.
Canadians were starting to act like Americans. ( Not that there is anything wrong with that ).
There was fist pumping , red and white face painting and Maple Syrup everywhere. O Canada replaced every Celine Dion song written as the most annoying ditty this side of euthanasia. It was great to see out athletes doing so well and every Canadian ‘s chest swelled with pride as the medal count grew higher than Cheech and Chong before breakfast. The entire nation was caught up in ‘ Beaver Fever ‘ way before it was fashionable to have ‘ Bieber Fever ‘.
The Olympics ended with a final Gold on the final day as our Canadian puck chasers corralled the black disc much more efficiently than our neighbors to the South. The closing ceremonies displayed an uncommon amount of grandeur , the scale of which never seen before in ‘ these here necks of the wood ‘. Giant Mounties and hockey players stood guard while William Shatner and Micheal J. Fox introduced themselves to millions of Americans citizens who – until then , were sure that Captain Kirk and Marty Mcfly were not only real – they were also Uncle Sam’ s nephews.
The Canadian Junior hockey team somehow missed the telecasts of our national pride last season. Perhaps they were busy viewing Two and a Half Men when they should have been eying the luge competition. American Idol in lieu of Joanie Rochette’s reception of a Gold medal painted Bronze since courage deserves first place in most hearts. The junior team went into last year’s tournament as five time defending champions. In a way , it was the Junior team that started the whole trend of renewing National pride. The youngsters regained hockey supremacy setting the stage for the Olympic team to do the same.
Unfortunately , the juniors ‘ dropped the puck ‘ and lost to the Americans last year. Anyone else would have been less painful yet to lose to the guys that Canada taught the game to , was more annoying than a root canal without Blue Cross.
This year was to be different . The ‘ own the podium ‘ mentality was transformed from a nice little slogan into an epidemic of never – ending sentences that seemed to drone on and on like Stephen Wright on a roll. Team Canada entered this year’s tournament as hockey underdogs yet in the minds of it’s fans – Canada owned the podium so why shouldn’t it’s team live there ? Watching the ‘ underdogs ‘ was an extension of the Olympics. The pride in the country apparent with every stride and every ‘ slapshoot ‘. It seemed as though if the Russians somehow managed to bring back Tretiak, Larionov , Krutov and Kharlamov that this team was energized with so much Olympic glory , noone could possibly beat them. Talent took a backseat to Donald Sutherland and K.D. Lang. Hallelujah indeed !
Once the Canadian team eliminated the ‘ going through the motion’ portion of the contest , it was time for the real deal. Time for revenge as they took on the Americans in the semi – final. If their was any doubt as to the Canadian intentions, they were banished faster than a Crosby to Malkin two on one. The opening shift demonstrated that Canada was indeed Captain Kirk and no matter how hard they tried – the Americans were Spock. Handy to have around but no match for Kirk’s passion and desire. The Russians were next and after dispatching the former communists 6 -1 earlier in the tournament , a Gold medal was as certain as a Paula Abdul breakdown.
The finals commenced for Canada the same way the semi – finals concluded. Banging , crashing and an all out dominance of the first two periods as Canada gained a 3 – 0 lead heading into the third. A gold medal in the bag eh ? Bragging rights for another year eh ? Hold the cell phone Gilligan. Mary – Anne dropped her pies !
When Schenn scored the third Canadian goal near the end of the second , he did something American. He grabbed the crest on his shirt and pulled it forward as if to say ” See ? I told you so…”. If the crest was attached by Velcro – he would have pulled it off and thrown it clear over the heads of the predominant Canadian contingent in Buffalo and to the waiting hands of Canada’s citizens as they ‘ standed on guard for thee’. Hockey has Gods and they were none too pleased at Brayden ‘s ‘ Red Glare ‘.
If you want to own the podium , like most properties , you must pay taxes. It is best to pay these dues in the proper currency or risk a foreclosure by Uncle Sam.
Swedes are Swedes , Russians are Russians , Americans are Americans and Canadians are Canadians. That is what makes the world such an exciting place.
Congratulations to Team Russia.