The Men of Summer

Usas más la mano izquierda o la derecha? (Do you use your left hand more or your right?)

If you answered right  – it’s probably because you are a fanatic Habs fan who spends ten hours a day in front of the television with a remote control embeded into your right hand, flipping endlessly through the cable graveyard for the latest breaking news on The Habs.

Have they signed Price? Did Pierre Gauthier make a trade? Is P.K Subban teaching O ‘ Byrne to skate? Pressing  questions that require immediate answers for anyone who wears bleu,blanc et rouge shoes to church every Sunday.

Meanwhile , your left hand is taking care of all the unimportant tasks such as brushing teeth, eating and romantically tending to the needs of  your spouse. (Single people’s hands are much busier since their romantic partner doesn’t have to leave for work.)

To enable your partner or love interest the benefit of a two handed massage…I have done some detective work and have discovered what the players of The Montreal Canadiens have been doing during their summer vacations.

Some were easier to track down then others – Hal Gill for example.

I found Hal at the local watering hole –  his 6’7″ frame towering above the Lilliputian Montreal press corps as he blocked one Tequila shot after another. Unfortunately for Hal, the shots that he missed were added to his tab as Jaroslav Halak was not in town to pay the bill.

Others…such as Maxime Lapierre , were more difficult…

A month after my search began – I discovered Maxime taunting Gorillas at Granby Zoo with t hat Chesire smile of his.The Gorillas had no comment on his behavior stating that Lapierre only behaves like this once a month. “If this was something that happened on a daily basis” Replied one hulking Orange and Black  coloured Gorilla.”Then we would all be concerned. Lapierre only shows up once in a while – we just brush him off…”

It was impossible for me to locate all of the players as some have fled to their native countries for the summer moths while others such as Mathieu Darche were travelling extensively . Darche’s family insisted that this would not be Mathieu’s lfinal trip as a Montreal Canadien.

I was surprised to see Brian Gionta atop Scott Gomez‘s shoulders.The pair were periously close to falling off the top of a stepladder in Gionta’s kitchen. Scott had a Berlitz ‘How to speak French’ guide in one hand while the other hand held a wad of cash wrapped in an elastic band with the words  “Five  Years ‘ pencilled in. The writing appeared to be that of former GM Bob Gainey. Apparently they were reaching for’ the cup’  that lay just ‘out of reach’ from Brian’s premorse fingertips.

One Sunday, I ventured to my local church and it was there that I encountered the Habs two  goaltenders –  Alex Auld and Carey Price. Price was on his knees praying while Auld, one of the new Habs, was rubbing Price’s shoulder and answering phone calls from Carey’s agent. Several teenage girls could be seen ‘hanging around ‘ while the local priest kept insisting that they use ear plugs to listen to Hank Williams Jr.

Leaving the church , I decided to go and get an ice cream cone. It was there while I was waiting in line, that I encountered Roman Hamrlik. The Habs big defence man was talking to several suspicious characters dress in black suits and wearing sunglasses. They appeared to be speaking ‘ a foreign language’ yet on occasion I could hear the words  Nashville, Sergei and drugs being tossed about. Roman kept motioning for the men to go away.

I found Benoit Pouliot and Andrei Kostistyn at the city’s amusement park…LaRonde. The duo were playing a shooting gallery game where they had to kill tiny yellow ducks that passed in front of them.Benoit explained that for ten dollars you had ten shots and for every duck hit, the size of your prize increased.He was holding a tiny stuffed bear in his hand. I asked how long the pair had been there and he replied..three hours. It was then that an irate little boy approached Andrei, tossed a keychain at him at yelled…”I’m not holding this prize for you anymore  – it’s my turn!”

I hope you all enjoy the final month of summer as we prepare for the crazy stuff that another hockey season plans to give us. If I run into any other Habs – I’ll let you know.

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