After watching Captain America and getting owned by Semeyon Varlamov yesterday in NHL 11 (because Hockey and A Super Hero have so much in common), I started thinking (YES I THINK), “What would it be like to have a NHL team of super heroes?”
This would be one hell of an expansion team.
STAAAAAAARRTINNNG IN GOALLLLL, CAPTAIN AMERICA!!!
Ok, this is a no brainier in net. A guy with a shield? Don’t tell Vesa Toskala. If he can block a guy shooting lazers that desinigrates normal people, he can defiantly stand in front of a Zdeno Chara slap shot. He can shoot too, but just with his wimpy Marakov.
On Defence, SPIDER-MAN AND THE HULK!!!!
I’m not completely sure if this would be allowed, but Spidey can make a huge web, preventing anybody from getting near Steve Rodgers. The other team would just get stuck behind the netting. Easy peasy. The Hulk can line up players and just smash their head together. Then he can sit on their heads and throw them into the web that Spidey made. That’s an unbeatable pairing if you ask me. Heck, through the Thing in their and you have two Hal Gill’s out there beating the crap out of the opposing players.
AND NOW YOUR FOURTH LINE GRINDERS!!!!
Wolverine, meet Colton Orr. Colton Orr, meet claws ripping off your face. The new generation of fighter is upon us. Who needs fists when you have big, sharp claws?
Iron Man, meet David Koci. David Koci, meet a giant laser beam in your face. How does that feel David? Better think twice before trying to fight Tony Stark, one of the smartest people to (never) live. He has the ability to fly over everyone right into the net, until his jets burn the puck. Then he gets a penalty for delay of game.
Punisher, Meet Sean Avery. Sean Avery, meet a machine gun. The Punisher has a long range of Guns that will hurt when you get hit by them, so whatever you do, DONT MAKE HIM MAD!! He is great for any postision on the ice as he eliminates who ever gets in his way. The best thing to do is ignore hes there and leave him alone, unless, of course, you like 50 caliber in your body.
AND THE GOAL SCORERS ARE…………..
BATMAN!! You cant touch him, as he will get his batmobile and shoot you and run you over. Its hard to block this guy, unless your name is Captain America. Just like the Punisher, he can use his weaponry to blow up the opposing players. He has speed (Batmobile) that can get him to the net faster then Jimmie Johnson can get a NASCAR Championship. Dont forget his batarang if you piss him off. Hows your head? ZING! Bye Bye.
HUMAN TORCH-Uhh….nevermind. He would melt the ice.
MR.FANTASITC!!!!! He doesn’t even have to move. He can be anywhere on the ice and just stretch out his arm and place the puck in the net. How do you like dem apples Luongo? He may want to use his stick though. He isn’t allowed to throw the puck in the net. Luckily for him, he stole one of Tyler Myers’ sticks when he wasn’t looking and can use that to his advantage.
THE FLASH!!!!! Where’s the puck? Where’s the Puck? No seriously, wheres the damn puck??? Oh wait the score is 192-0….. The Flash can use his super speed to skate as fast as possible to the net, then score! Even Martin St.Louis cant do that at a pace of 19999999MPH! Yet again, not even Lewis Hamilton can drive his Mclearen F1 car that fast! No need for anybody else when you cant find the puck because the player with the puck is way to fast!
Gary Bettman, I hope you read this. Expand to 32 teams, and have this team of Super Heroes play. The can eliminate any competion. Heck, maybe we found a way to get rid of you. Imagine what a team of super heroes would be like these days…. Probably a modern, nastier version of the Broad Street Bullies.